


Where in the World is Tsukiyomi Ikuto?

by faerienya



Category: Shugo Chara!
Genre: A little bit Carmen Sandiego, Detectives I guess?, F/M, Gen, Honestly it's just a dumb idea I had but lets roll with it
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-27
Updated: 2019-05-27
Packaged: 2020-03-20 06:35:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,626
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18987244
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/faerienya/pseuds/faerienya
Summary: Comedy straight-man Fujisaki Nagihiko is convinced that baby is definitely not Hotori Tadase's. With the help of the unwilling Mashiro Rima, can he find just where in the world Tsukiyomi Ikuto has gone?They'll go anywhere... in Japan.A nonsensical comedy about doormats and alley cats.





	Where in the World is Tsukiyomi Ikuto?

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know why I did this.

Every summer Nagihiko reached a point where he would want to cut his hair. Spanning the length of his back and ending towards the lower buttocks, he felt the heat more keenly than most typical Japanese men. The sun blared down on his delicate skin and he felt his vision blur as the end of the street sizzled before him. 

  
But he would worry about his ridiculous choice of hair style another day, for today he had much bigger problems. He broke out into a jogging pace, immediately regretting it and slowing to a halt, grabbing the concrete wall of some random gated house beside him.  
  
"Fuck it’s hot." He wheezed like a braying horse. It was so goddamn hot, his scalp felt like it was on fire. He definitely should have worn a hat.  
  
He felt his phone vibrate in his pocket and checked it only to have the screen blinded by the glare of the sun. Muttering some curse to whatever God clearly didn’t care, he moved forward, hauling himself to the end of the street, and the apartment unit he called home.  
  
He placed a palm on the familiar code box, feeling more like molten steel than a code box and heard the jingle that would allow him to enter the code. Stupid Japan with its stupid jingles for every contraption they ever designed. He resigned himself to a long life of jingles and molten heat with a deep sigh.  
  
Something stumbled inside the apartment and he raised an eyebrow quizzically. _The fuck is she doing in there?_ He thought before typing the code in and entering the house.  
  
Upon entering he was greeted with the quiet solace of the apartment. No TV whining away with news about how ‘It seems to be very hot again this year right Tanaka-san,’ followed by the expected ‘Yes Kanato-san, but of course we don’t care because it’s not like us Japanese people sweat or something.’  
  
Tanaka-san was a liar! Nagihiko felt like an old man yelling at clouds, but no sir he would not raise his arms, the sweat stains were too shameful to reveal. He walked towards the lounge room and found the source of the stumble.  
  
"Clearly you din't get my message." She said, absent minded, flipping through a magazine. Nagihiko couldn’t help but notice her red hot face and deep-chested breathing. What had she been doing?  
  
"Were you exercising or something?" He asked bewildered at the display of Mashiro Rima seemingly in respite. She looked up from her magazine she was pretending to read with an intense glare.  
  
"The message Fujisaki."  
  
He pulled out his phone, her eyes boring into him, and opened the message he couldn’t read earlier due to the glaring sunlight stealing any sense of digital sight.

  
_Ice blocks._ That’s all it said. Right...  
  
"I was just around the corner." He mumbled apologetically.  
  
"So is the store." She scoffed turning back to the magazine. Was it upside down?  
  
"I didn’t know you could read ambigrams Rima." He said, bemused. She looked up wide eyed and mildly confused. She probably didn’t even know what ambigram meant.

  
He pointed at the magazine and she looked back realizing her fatal mistake, she tossed it on the table and turned away from him folding her arms.  
  
He stifled his laughter more for fear of his own life if she heard him.  
  
"So why are you back early anyway?" She grumbled from the corner of the couch as though she were conspiring with it.  
  
Nagihiko's thoughts snapped back into place as he recalled why he was in a such a rush to get home.  
  
"Oh shit! I wanted to ask you something."  
  
She turned slightly to look at him, her eyes saying go on.  
  
"If a blond-haired man and a pink haired woman have a child, what colour should that baby's hair be?” he asked. Rima rolled her eyes at the question.

“I'm not a scientist Fujisaki-”

 “Look I don't mean to sound rude,” he interrupted, “or place any judgement on Amu but...” he trailed off still not quite sure whether _he_ even believed it.

“but...?” Rima followed through, gesturing for him to continue.

“I'm pretty sure they wouldn't have a blue haired, blue eyed baby.”

Rima’s face contorted with confusion. _What the fuck am I even doing? She thinks I’m an idiot._

“You know what? Forget it. What’s on TV?” he sat down on the couch and reached for the remote.

“Not so fast!” Rima launched herself at him, his hand falling short of the remote. Rima burrowed her face in his stomach, jabbing his side as violently as she could muster. He wheezed his way through her random attack, lightly smacking at her mass of hair in an attempt to stop her.

“What the fuck Rima?” he felt a dull pain in his side. Of course she was too puny to do any real damage, but nonetheless it was weird for her to just attack him out of nowhere.

Rima seemed to go limp for a moment, as though she had passed out. What on earth was this gremlin woman doing?

“Tell me more…” she mumbled.

“Hah?” he scuffled back as she sat up.

“So you think Amu had an affair or something?” she asked monotonously.

“Uh, right yeah I guess? Look all I know for sure is that Tadase is definitely not the father.” He could hardly believe it himself, but the evidence was undeniable.

Or was it?

He laughed awkwardly, “M-maybe I was being stupid, I mean I’m not a scientist either, maybe in this bizarre world blond and pink make blue?”

Rima shook her head.

“I might not know genetics that well, but it doesn’t sound right. If you’re suspicious why don’t we just ask her? She’s not exactly a good liar.”

He felt his soul leave his body. It was beyond awkward being at Amu’s house. Tadase and Amu had this weird tendency to be the most disgustingly happy couple in a room. Nagihiko didn’t fancy himself a cynic, but their lovey-dovey crap made even the likes of him, a traditional romanticist, feel completely grossed out.

“I’d rather not, hey how about…” he eyed Rima suspiciously. She looked puffed out when he came in, the upside-down magazine… her unwillingness to give him the remote… it only meant one thing.

She was watching porn!

With lighting fast reflexes, he swiped the remote off the coffee table and turned the TV on. Rima cried out, tackling the controls out of his hand.

But it was too late. The TV came to life and in front of them was the bright lights of a manzai show.

“BALA-BALANCE.” The duo on TV struck a weird pose. Nagihiko and Rima looked at each other, one’s gaze grinning in amused shock, the other filled with complete horror.

“You’re watching shitty manzai?” his face hurt with his smile that wide, but he couldn’t contain it. This was so dumb. He was tempted to reach for his phone just to immortalize the rare discomposure of Mashiro Rima.

“I- actually fuck this, we’re going to Amu’s house.” And just like that the composure was back, though Nagihiko could sense she was completely and utterly pissed with him. He knew he’d pay for it in his sleep; it wasn’t the first time.

She grabbed his arm and, with her entire body weight, tried to pull him off the couch. Naturally it didn’t work.

“You’re. Coming. To. Amu’s. House. With. Me.” A pull for each word and yet he wouldn’t budge. It was more miraculous that she was trying at all.

“Is this why you were all puffed out when I came in?” he pointed at the duo on TV. Rima’s face seemed all red again. Cute.

“Shut your gob you jackass.” She hissed between breaths.

“I won’t.” he smiled his best shit-eating grin. She looked exhausted at this point and he pat the couch, motioning for her to sit. The disgust on her face in response said it all.

“Rima you’re making me uncomfortable too, just sit.” She glanced between him and the couch and sighed, relenting. But just to piss him off she sat directly in his lap. He groaned as she plonked herself down. Her bony ass dug into his everywhere.

“Are you serious?” he spat her hair out of his mouth, it was always around the house, she shed like a cat.

“Punishment.” Was all she said, her eyes fixated on the TV.

_She doesn’t even smile. It’s a comedy for pete’s sake!_

They watched through the episode mostly in silence. Nagihiko couldn’t help but laugh at some of the jokes. While it seemed that Rima was playing poker face, she couldn’t hide the intense shaking of her body as she stifled her laughter. After the episode, she reached for the remote and turned the TV off.

“Do you think Tadase knows or is he that far gone in the head?” she suddenly asked.

He thought about it for a moment. Tadase was an optimist for the most part, it seemed more likely that he was in the dark than in the know.

“He’s a positive thinker you know.” Nagihiko started.

“You mean a doormat.”

Ah… well she wasn’t wrong.

“It’s hard to say for sure, but it seems more likely that he doesn’t know. Besides, wouldn’t he tell me? I’m his best friend.”

“Definitely a doormat.” She turned to look at him, her cute face was too close for comfort.

“Let’s ask Amu.” She said. He gulped, it was hard to resist her demands when she looked at him with so much determination. He would have to sacrifice his sense of sanity once again and visit them again. Sighing he nodded his head in agreement.


End file.
